THREE MONTHS!!!

This was a year ago! I made my mom promise to NEVER allow this picture to be shown! I look like I ate my "other" little sister! Ash is beautiful as always!

Wow, some girl ate Jenni!



Three Months post surgery!

So, I'm 3 months post surgery! I can't believe it's been that long! Sometimes I look at the above pictures and think that I still look that way and it makes me sick to my stomach. Lately it's been like head games, like I see people walking in the halls who are big and think, am I still that big and I have to get to a mirror fast to make sure I'm not. hunter (sorry, buddy had to type his name) I'm not being vain, but it does scare me to picture myself that way again. I remember the day we did those family pictures. I was so hot and sweating so bad and out of breath just from walking around the pond. My back hurt and I had a hard time sitting on the ground for my little family's turn. It was hell. After I saw the pictures I died. Did I really look like that? What kind of an example am I setting for my kids? No wonder people stare at us and whisper. Not OK! Today I'm not down to my 175 lb goal yet but I've lost at least 150 lbs since those pictures were taken (I'm sure I was well over 400 then) and that is something I can totally be proud of! My back hardly ever hurts anymore and I can walk just about any distance without getting winded! I don't get stared at anymore (although Tom thinks I do just cuz I look so "put together" all the time lol) and I am not embarrassed to walk into my daughters school at all! I don't mourn the loss of those 150+ lbs but I do have a hard time wrapping my head around it sometimes. So if you see me checking myself out in the mirror, I'm not doing it because I like looking at myself, I'm doing it to make sure I haven't woke up yet!
My diet still consists of 2 oz per meal but I have been venturing out a little on what I eat. My friend Kristi gave me an awesome recipe for cauliflower cheesy bread that is AMAZING and I continue to try to find GB friendly recipes. My new favorite snack is a quarter of a slim jim dipped in cream cheese mmmmmmm! I still eat a lot of cottage cheese, beans and turkey burger but I have tried to do variations of these for variety sake!
A week ago I joined Curves! I love it! The exercise is easy but I can totally feel it and I lost about 10 lbs the week I joined! We probably are not going to do the pool during the winter because it just gets too cold to walk to the car after class so Curves will be my main exercise. We also purchased a Wii and the Just Dance game which is AWESOME exercise and Hannah and I can do together that is totally FUN!! It was well worth the $$$.
I am thrilled with my progress thus far and I continue to appreciate all the kindness, compliments and support from my family, friends and co-workers! It doesn't get old hearing every day that I'm melting! I will never regret my decision to have the surgery, especially after seeing those pictures and remembering the way my body felt a year ago! If anyone out there is contemplating this surgery or knows someone who is, encourage them to just GO FOR IT! It is still the greatest decision I have ever made!!!!

Dear diary....

Ok I am slacking way too much on this blog deal! It's like, remember in Jr. High when you would get a new  diary and the first page would read, sept. 1, 1987 dear diary... I am totally going to write in you every day! It will be so rad to read this in the future when I'm married to kirk cameron! Yadda yadda... Next page, Sept 1, 1990 WOW! It's been like 4EVER! I cant believe I wanted to marry Kirk Cameron! What a total dweeb I was! Everyone knows Keanu is my future hubby! It's my last year of Jr. high and I have a feeling it will be the best year ever! 9th graders rule the school! Page 3,  June 26, 1997 holy crap it's been awhile!  9th grade sucked! Tomorrow I'm getting married! Not to Kirk or Keanu....

You get the idea. But I honestly do want to try to keep this updated as much as possible... for reals!
So, as far as my GB goes, all is well. Things are moving a little slower then I had anticipated, but I'm trying to look at the big picture which is 132 lbs gone! I am feeling wonderful, and loving my new body so far! Yesterday I was walking home from getting Hannah at the bus stop, but she went with her Aunt Kathy instead so I was alone and one of my dear friends came out of her house and didn't recognize me!! That is amazing to me! She gushed over me for a few minutes (which I, of course, reviled in) and we had a lovely visit. Things like that remind me that this IS working, and giving it some time is not a bad thing. I also went to water aerobics last night for the first time since surgery and it kicked my vanilla booty but it felt amazing! One thing I noticed was that doing kick down, kick outs made all the loose skin on my legs and thighs jiggle and was the weirdest feeling! I loved the workout and can't wait to go again tonight!
I'm eating about the same and its getting boring! I did get a new recipe from my awesome cousin Alicia called zucchini pizza and I love it! It's basically pizza toppings on a piece of zucchini (preferably a large one) and it's delicious! I still have cravings and right now it's peanut butter! I eat about a teaspoon a day which helps but a nice PB&J sandwich would be awesome!
Well dear diary, that is all for now. I will write again very soon! (hopefully before I'm retired!) Love, Jen.

8 weeks out!

Hello! Yes, yes, I know, it's been TOO long since I last posted and I'm sure you have all been on the edge of your seats awaiting this glorious day, or not, whatever. So, the big news is it has been 8 whole weeks since my giant step into skinnydom! I have lost around 50 pounds post surgery making a grand total of 122 since I began my journey on my own in January after tipping the scales (tipping? more like crushing!) at nearly  400 lbs! Today I am 272 (still quite large and in charge) but feeling amazing and soaking up the compliments! 

What do I eat? Mostly I am still sticking to the 2 oz of 70% protein, 30% veggies and it's getting old fast! I eat a lot of Wendy's chili, beans, tuna, cheese and various deli meat. I had to lay off the yogurt, scrambled eggs and cottage cheese because I totally burned out on those in the beginning!  Tonight I made a spaghetti for my family and, thanks to that wonderful friend who has been my mentor through this process and told me about a fantastic way to eat Italian, I am enjoying my delicious sauce over cottage cheese topped with Parmesan which makes it taste almost like lasagna! (I don't even miss those darn noodles, ok, maybe a little) It's delicious! I drink a glass of skim milk a day which always tastes like a treat and I've been eating a lot of sugar free Popsicles as well! I have had no sugar so I have not experienced the famed "dumping" syndrome that comes with this surgery and, honestly, if you follow the rules, you don't get sick! Easy peasey lemon squeezy! ooooohhh lemon pie sounds SO GOOD!!! Anyway... the water situation is still a problem for me. I am getting sick of plain water and I really don't like the flavored waters that taste like watered down koolade, except for the lemon ones which I am also getting sick of.  I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and go back to my crystal light iced tea! At least with that I am getting the dang water and I miss it terribly!  It's also hard to wait 1/2 hour before and after eating to drink anything.  Sometimes I forget how long it's been and before I know it I have gone a half a day without hydration. It's a little frustrating.

Exercise, well, probably not as good as it should be but lately I have been doing better. We still haven't been back to the pool mainly because by the time I get home from work, do a little housework and errands my energy is very much depleted. It's tiring trying to survive on 6 oz of food daily!  I am, however, walking almost 2 1/2 miles a day at work, using the "shake weight" which is so awesome and the thigh master several times a day (my butt is looking great! lol) Once it cools down some I will start walking in the evenings as well. I do what I can do and I try not to get discouraged and I think that is a pretty healthy attitude!

Emotionally I am much better which I am sure my husband is grateful for. I still have "head hunger" even though I have not been physically hungry since my surgery. I am craving pretty much everything I can't have (especially that stupid pizza, although I did have just the toppings off a papa murphys cowboy which tasted AMAZING!) I have also been craving peanut butter which I curb with a finger full every once an awhile, so that one isn't too bad. I haven't had any more breakdowns and I think a lot of that has to do with the awesome support group I have that tell me every day how amazing I look! How could anyone get bummed out hearing THAT on  a daily basis?! I had a friend ask me if I am getting sick of people telling me how good I look and I was all, um NO, when you have heard insults, endured stares and dirty looks from strangers and been bullied throughout your entire life, daily compliments are a godsend! I encourage all of you to compliment anyone you see, especially if you can tell they are struggling, it will mean the world to them and make life a little brighter!
On a personal note, and if you are squeamish or a man you don't have to read this paragraph but I want to document it for my own reasons, my cycle is back to normal! Now, the reason this is such a good thing, is because I had not had a period since I became pregnant with Hunter who is now 3 1/2!  I knew it was probably because of my weight, so for a long time I didn't worry about it and relished in the pad-free life! But when I decided to have the surgery I  wanted to see my OB for a yearly (which I also hadn't done since I had Hunter) but I, of course, couldn't get in to see Dr. Bierer so I saw the "new guy" and it was the biggest mistake of my life! I went in there and told him I had not had a period for a few years and he freaked out and told me I had cancer and needed a biopsy THAT DAY! Seriously, no, it could possibly be this and maybe we should schedule a test yadda yadda, it was I HAD CANCER. I told him, no, I think it's because of my weight cuz it's happened before and he said nope, it's cancer the end. I was in tears by this point and told him that I would not have the biobsy that day cuz I needed my husband with me, so, reluctantly, he scheduled it for the next day. Tom and I went in and I had the most painfull experience of my life. See, and I'm getting personal again, I have an abnormaly shaped cervix which is why I had both my kids c-section, so the procedure of going up and getting the tissue sample felt like a hot, double edged sword jammed inside me! I screamed, cried and prayed for God to make it stop and finally it stopped but the relief was short lived when he said that he didn't have enough tissue and had to go again. I died a little but my sweet husband held my hand, wiped the sweat from my forehead and whispered I love you in my ear the whole time and after what felt like a lifetime it was over. Then we waited. It was the longest week of my life. 6 days later, what do you know, everything came back normal, NO CANCER! I despise that man. It, indeed WAS my weight, and ta-da, 122 lbs later everything is back to normal and all is right with the world. I defiantly think I know my body better than that idiot!
So, now that I've babbled on forever and probably shared a little TMI, I need to be getting ready for bed. I still have absolutely NO REGRETS and I am feeling better and better each and every day! Thank you to everyone who has stood beside me from birth till now and supported me through it all! I love you all more then you will ever know!!
And now, PICTURES!!! Ok, these may be a little hard to look at but I know you all have seen TLC's Fatty shows so you can do it! :)

3 days before surgery

8 weeks out

Nasty!

Not as nasty but still a ways to go!

thoroughly embarrassing!

Still embarrassing but worth seeing the comparison!

Half way there!!!

As of yesterday, I have lost 110 lbs on my weight loss journey so far and I have 110 lbs to go to hit my goal weight of 175lbs! Do you know what that means????? Well, of course you do, you read the title of this post, duh! I'M HALF WAY THERE!!!!! Holy crap, it feels totally amazing to say that I have lost 110 lbs. That's like TWO Lindsey Lohans! Sa-WEET! It has been a rough road and I know that I still have quite the journey left, but I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far. I am feeling pretty good, I am hungry a lot but I am learning to cope with it. It's mostly "head hunger" anyway. At the support group meeting Tom and I went to we found out about ketosis and how, when your body has stopped burning incoming carbs for energy because there aren't any, it will start burning your stored fat for energy and boy, I have plenty of THAT! They have little test strips in the diabetic section at most pharmacy's that test your ketones and if the strip is super dark that means you are in full ketosis! That is where a gastric bypass patient wants to stay for as long as possible! Of course, I ran right out and bought some of the strips, tinkled and HOORAY it was the darkest it could be (the strip, not the tinkle) so my body is in high ketosis and burning those fat cells like crazy! This made me happy and was almost as exciting as a pregnancy test... almost. I have started to introduce more foods into my diet and I have handled most things very well. Last night I made shrimp scampi for dinner and it was fabulous! Last weekend my mom took Tom and I to the Timbermine. This was my first dinner out and I was worried a little. I ordered the halibut, no salad but instead they offered this bean and ham soup which was awesome and some steamed veggies instead of a potato or rice. I had a sip of the soup while I watched my mom and Tom eat the soft, warm bread *sigh* and then when my meal arrived I ate about 4 bites of the fish and two little broccoli trees and that was about it. The waitress probably thought I didn't like it but, honestly I LOVED every little bite! The good part about only being able to eat 2 oz is the fact that you get to take home leftovers and relive that delicious meal a few more times! The soup was so good and I had halibut for breakfast, lunch and dinner the next day! YUM!!! I am a big seafood lover so I am glad that I get to still eat that kind of food. The things I miss most are, of course, PIZZA, bread, crackers and ice cream. It's still super hard at BBQ'S, especially with grilled buns for the burgers and dogs but I try to focus on what I can have, instead of what I can't and that usually gets me through. Work is ok, there are treats everywhere and I hate that but I am learning to avoid the areas they are in. I have yet to get back to an exercise routine though, so that is my big goal for the week. I walk at work on my breaks but I can feel those swimming muscles I built up turning to mush so I really have to get it in gear and get my butt to the pool again! Other then that, things are pretty sweet. I'm looking good, feeling good and proud of my accomplishments. What more could I ask for?

5 weeks after surgery

4 days before surgery

If you can't be an athlete be an athletic supporter.

I have such an amazing support group! Last night Tom and I went to a class down at St Marks given by a therapist who has had GB. It was very informative and I got to impress everyone with the amount of weight I have lost which is always fun for me! One of the big things I noticed when listening to other peoples stories was how much easier this journey is when you have support in your everyday life. We talked a  lot about hazards that come up all the time and how basically society as a whole is setting us up to fail, but if we know how to handle those hazards we can overcome them. For me, one of the biggest ways to fight those hazards is to rely on those who are in my corner cheering me on! I realize that ultimately it comes down to my own choices but the more people I have lifting me up and encouraging me, the easier it is to make the right choice! Obstacles are placed before me every day, food is EVERYWHERE but all it takes is a "you look great!" Or "i'm so proud of you!" from someone to help me kick the crap outta those obstacles! So, to everyone who is in my corner (and not to brag, but that is A LOT) thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the best darn jock straps in the world!! I love you all!!

Back to work blues

Well folks, it's been 4 weeks since my last day of work before surgery, and tomorrow I return to the trenches triumphant (well, not really, but I do return 35 lbs lighter!). I have to admit I am a little nervous to go back for a few reasons but mainly because that place is doused in FOOD! Over the last month I have had control over what I am faced with in my home but at work, junk is everywhere. I do have an incredible support group though, whom I miss SO MUCH (the only good reason to go back besides, well, that stupid little money issue) and I know they will all be there if I need them. I just hope that it doesn't hurt too much to know that those damn candy bars are in the file cabinet! Tonight I packed a weeks worth of breakfast and lunch all in one little lunch bag, kinda funny, but I wanted to be prepared and have all my meals portioned out so I wouldn't even have a reason to go to the cafeteria. I have been eating a little more bland lately especially since I have been on two very potent antibiotics for an infection in my nose. The meds are liquid and I have to take 4 tsps of each twice a day!  They are DISGUSTING and they are ripping my stomach apart so I have been constantly nauseated for 4 days now. Only 6 days left, fabulous.
Yesterday Tom, the kids and I went up to my brother and sister-in-law's house in Morgan to go swimming with the rest of my family.  I wore a new swimsuit which I think I looked pretty ok in and it felt good to not be totally self conscience. We BBQ'd and I had a half of a hot dog wrapped in a slice of cheese and a slice of tomato, yum! Quite different from the last time we were there when I had a double cheese burger topped with a hotdog on a hoggie bun, pasta salad, and homemade ice cream! The only crappy part of the day was when they broke out the cheesecake brownie and I watched everyone indulge in it. I know this is part of the deal but I do hope it gets easier someday.
Tomorrow Tom and I are going down to St. Marks in the evening for a support group class thing that I hear really helps with alot of issues. I am really looking forward to it and I'm glad Tom is coming with me. He has been such an amazing support, especially when he told me the cheesecake brownie wasn't really that good anyway! I want to take advantage of anything RMAP offers as far as classes or support groups because they really do help with the process and with this life change, you need all the help you can get!
I have absolutely no regrets about having the surgery and I am very pleased with the results so far. Not only the physical, but the way my little family is eating healthier and becoming more active. It makes me proud that I can be that kind of a leader and example for them and hopefully, when my kids are older, they can be proud of their mom and realize what I went through to help them. So, back to reality tomorrow, wish me luck!

First follow up and fabulous friends

Today was my first follow up with Dr. Smith since my surgery. After a hellatious morning, which I do NOT want to blog about because it is something I want to forget very soon, Mom and I arrived at St. Marks. My blood pressure was SKY HIGH, we're talkin 165/103 probably due to said hellatious morning, but my weight was fabulous (I'm down to 293 now!). Dr. Smith came in, took out my staples and told me I was an excellent healer! WooHoo! A little friendly chit chat and a "well done" and we were all set. He released me to go back to work next Monday to give my belly button time to heal, poor wittle belly button has been through a lot. On our way out they gave me a disc with my before pictures that were taken the day before surgery.

I have always dreamed of having "before" pictures and I can't wait to see my "after" pictures, coming soon!!  Today was a sick day of sorts because I really couldn't keep much down. My body is still adjusting I guess and having a hard time digesting certain foods. Maybe I am introducing too many things at once and should go back to my beans and cheese for a couple days. All I know is I have felt nauseated since I woke up this morning. I did get the thumbs up to return to the pool in a few days so maybe starting my exercise program up again will help balance things out as well. I can't wait to get back into the water! The best part of the day by FAR was a little get together with some of my besties from high school this evening! Maranda (my personal trainer and life-long BFF), Charity (another amazing BFF whom I haven't hung out with in FOREVER) and Kati (Jr. BFF and Maranda's sister with the cutest little brown babies in the world, besides my Jack of course) and all their kiddos came out to my moms to play! It was so much fun to hang out and catch up on the goings on in each others lives. As I sat there, I remembered so many sleepovers and play dates (which were not called play dates back then, it was just "I'm going over to charity's house, bye!") and thought how cool it was that we were sitting here while our kids were playing together. It was kind of a surreal moment but amazing as well.  I love so much that I have such great friends that have been in my life for so many years! I think Maranda and I have been friends for 30 at least! I am blessed to have these girls, and so many others in my life. Whether we've know each other for 30 years or 3 years they all mean a great deal to me. Thank you Roo, Charity, Kati and Ash for making my crappy day a whole lot brighter! And mom, thank you again for saving me and truly being my hero. I love you more then words can ever express!