What was I thinking????

Seriously, I should never write a post while I am at work! I mean, who WAS that person yesterday? I'll tell you who it was, it was grumpy work Jen and, while usually work Jen is generally pleasant, yesterday she was a big crab apple! I guess it is ok to see the ugly side of GB though, and it is a daily struggle to maintain the cheerfulness when all you want is a friggin pumpkin chocolate chip cookie! Ok, I'm not going there again today. I promised a happy post and I always keep my promises!
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I turned 35 on Halloween and I was totally ok with it! I have dreaded this birthday for so long but, due to my current circumstance of feeling like I'm 25, thirty five didn't really bother me! I have accomplished so much over the last year and I am pretty proud of myself and my family. We have become stronger as a family unit, healthier and happier and that is really all I could ask for!
A couple of weeks before thanksgiving my sweet little grandma Carol (my mommy's mommy) got pretty sick. I was devastated because I was always so close with my grandma, especially when I was younger. Grandma's main goal in life, pertaining to me that is, was to get me skinny! When I was a teenager she would always tell me, "Jenni, if you don't get skinny, you will never find a husband!" Now, you might think, "how rude!" but i know that she was only doing it because she knew how awesome I was and what the world is truly like. She did everything to motivate me to lose weight, from paying for me to join curves for a year, to bribing me with a dollar a pound and a new wardrobe! The lady was hellbent on seeing me healthy. Even after I managed to find a man who also saw how awesome I was, she still worried about my health. I know my grandma loved me, probably more then all of her other 21 grandchildren (now, I know some of you read this so just deal with it... lol) and I know she was proud of me no matter what my size was, but I always wanted her to see OUR dream come true. I was fortunate enough to see my grandma a week before she died, when she was still lucid and the very last words she spoke to me in a whisper were, "my jenni, you look absolutely beautiful and I am so proud of you, I always knew you could do it." A week later we said goodbye to that amazing talented loving lady and I will miss her every day until we are together again. I am so grateful that she, of all people, got to see me healthy and happy (though I should have taken her up on that whole dollar a pound deal... I'd be up to $185!) I love you G and thank you for always believing in me!
With all of the grandma stuff going on, we had TONS of family in town during the week of thanksgiving! I was able to spend time with my favorite Aunts and cousins that I haven't seen in far too long (we're not going to let that happen again! Yeah, I'm talking to you Penny, Angie, Lindsey, Kimm, Kathy and Allison!) and I loved it! Family is what it is all about, and I have the greatest family on the planet! I consider myself so lucky that I am so close with cousins on both sides of my family and everyone should be totally jealous of our closeness, cuz it ROCKS! My awesome family has been such a huge support to me during this whole process and I can never express enough how thankful I am for ALL of them!
Thanksgiving itself wasn't as hard as I thought it would be food wise. I ate a tiny bit of turkey and some of my mom's broccoli cheese casserole (without the crunchy topping of course) and dessert, well dessert was hard, I can't lie about that but all in all, I spent more time taking pictures of my wonderful family and didn't really think that much about the food! And I truly appreciate all of them putting up with my obnoxious camera in their faces cuz it did really help take my mind off the rolls and potatoes and gravy!
Now were are gearing up for Christmas! One thing that I have noticed is I am ALWAYS FREEZING! I mean, I lost a whole stinkin person that used to keep me all nice and toasty and now I can't ever seem to get warm! Oh well, I'll take it over not being able to move any day!
I will never regret my decision to have gastric bypass, and even though I have days like yesterday where I just feel like I am being deprived of everything Delicious, the results are worth it. When I see my Hannah choosing healthy snacks or when I see my husband getting his grove thang on playing just dance or getting a beautiful note from a friend telling me how I inspire her, I remember why I truly chose to do this... Not for beauty, not for vanity, not even necessarily for MY health, I did it show anyone who cared to follow my journey that if I can do it, if I can beat this disease and addiction, if i can lose 200 lbs, then so can they! I want to be the best Jenni I can be, for my children and my husband and if I can help motivate even 1 person to be the best THEM they can be, then all the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies in the world couldn't make me go back to June and NOT make that choice!
And now, Pictures!

Thanksgiving morning

my niece Mandy took this awesome angle shot!



I am the luckiest mama!

Awww! Aren't we adoreable!

My beautiful cousin Allison

Bestest buddies

look at that face!

My mommy and her sisters.

I love hannah's foot in this picture!

Grandma Sally and her Hunter



all of our red-heads!

seriously, we are so HOT!

My daughter is absolutely beautiful!

The Robinett women (minus Jessica and Karla)
Allison, Ashlee, Kathy, me, mom, Angie, Penny, Kimm and Lindsey

Hotties!

My sisters! Me, Tiffany, Amanda and Ashlee

I love this beautiful lady!



We took Hannah to see Ballet West's Nutcracker! She LOVED it!

can't wait for it to start!

intermission at the ballet lol.

they are BROTHER AND SISTER people! EWWW!

we are a very touchy feely kinda family!

Tom took this cuz he said I looked "super hot!"

we managed to get the tree up even with all the death stuff!

what cuties!

Hunter and Jack-Jack



this was a mothers day card I made for her a few years ago and she had it framed. I will miss her so much.

I LOVE my sibs! Me, Nic, Johnny, Logan and Ash

Grandma loved scrabble!!!!!

Hannah saying goodbye.

Hunter saying goodbye.

I love you grandma.

Beautiful picture... terrible backdrop! lol

I had to add this cuz we were all laughing and making fun of all the old guys and telling them not to drop her and the mortuary people said they had never had a family laugh during this part and we said, "you've never met the Robinetts!" Also, when they set the casket down my Uncle Randy said, "that's it, she's going on a diet first thing Monday!" I LOVE my family!!!

This is what happens when you give your brother your camera!

we were all trying not to fall in the hole!



All the Robinett cousins exept for Zack! We missed you Zack!



Uncle Tim, mommy, Aunt Penny, Uncle Randy, Aunt Kathy & Uncle Jeff

Sweet babies

My big fat catch up post! (90% fat-free!)

Wow! So, it's been a few days since my last post, 35 to be exact, and that is not acceptable! I found out, over the holiday, that people actually DO read my blog so I had better get it updated more often! So here's what you missed... Halloween, turning 35, 5 months post surgery, my sweet grandma Carol passed away, cousins galore and a Robinett family thanksgiving! Whew! Now can you see why I haven't posted?
So, the holiday season is upon us and having food restrictions is crap! So many goodies that will not find their way to my belly, makes me sad, and hungry. I'm almost 6 months out and now that the newness has wore off and my stomach had stretched a little, I find myself getting hungry more and more. Its hard to battle the cravings in my head and talk myself out of that "tiny little bite" of whatever I can't eat. I'm also at another plateau with my weight and it's hard to not get discouraged and depressed about food when the scale is being pissy too. I've lost my motivation to exercise just because I feel like I never have time and, I know that will help with the scale but, depression is winning the war right now. So, yeah, gastric bypass isn't all sunshine and roses. It's hard, damn hard. It's not a quick fix or a cure for a life long disease, it is what it is, a surgical restriction, and the rest falls all on me. I try to stay positive and I do look better but that is superficial and I'm not FEELING great right now. I'm sure alot of it has to do with the depression and the fibromyalgia and just the winter blahs, but I wish I could get going again and feel better.
Well, this post turned into the depths of hell pretty quick lol. Venting helps. Another, happier post (with pictures) tomorrow!

4 month photos!

I definately look better in clothes, but you can really see the weight loss difference in the swim suit! These will probably be the last pictures in this particular swim suit due to the fact that it is FALLING OFF ME! :) The before pics are 3 days before surgery even AFTER I had lost about 80 lbs! YAY TO ME!!! I'm melting!!! 

Active is AWESOME!

Lately my little family has been very active! We have been playing Just Dance on the wii every night and trying to get out and do something active on the weekends. This is a huge change from the pre surgery family that sat on our butts and watched tv all weekend.  On Friday night, after 2 hours of Just Dance, my little Hannah said to me, "I LOVE our new active family mom! We have SO MUCH FUN!" That right there is the whole reason I made this choice and that is the best reward I could ask for! It totally makes all the sweat, passed up pizza slices, ice cream cravings and sore muscles worth it! I love watching my kids and my husband dancing their cute little bottoms off and enjoying the exercise (that doesn't seem like exercise). Tom got on the scale yesterday and he has lost 115 lbs! I am so incredibly proud of him and will continue to help him make progress in any way I can! Yesterday we went up to Logan to Little Bear Bottoms corn maze and had a ball! We spent 3 hours climbing on the huge hay fort, walking through the mazes and, to top it off, we took the spooky scarecrow hayride tour! It was so much FUN! I love making memories like that for our children. I want them to remember having fun with mom and dad in the outdoors and playing all together instead of mom and dad on the sidelines watching cuz we "can't move our giant bodies". I feel like I am reliving my 20's again and I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of it!
I am still going to curves about every other day and I can see my progress in inches! I am still having a little bit of issues with my arms and can't look at them in photos without cringing cuz they still look HUGE and my wings (although getting smaller) could still take out a small child if the wind started blowing... just sayin... BUT I have to get over it and realize that at some point in time the skin can be removed if I so chose and the way I FEEL is much more important the the way I LOOK!

My baby boy and me at Center Street Grill in Logan. I enjoyed by grilled chicken salad and will be enjoying it for a few more days cuz it was HUGE!

After lunch. I love this cute family!

"I can do it mama!"

Hannah climbed all the way to the top! So proud of her!

Jumping on the old mattresses was their favorite part!

There were tunnels and passageways all over this thing! We kept losing Hunter!

My little man. I hate my arms.

Mama got stuck in the hay fort! Good thing buddy found me!

Just finished the string maze!

Inside the corn maze... we didn't get lost!

Super Cute!

On the hayride

We look like bikers! lol

Daddy and Buddy lookin at the spooky scarecrows

Hannah was chosen to go check out the old outhouse...

"read what that says" (notice old Charlie, the leader of the spooky scarecrows, lurking on the side)

Hannah was stunned silent!

Get outta there before Old Charlie throws you in the hole!!!

This was our tour guide/story teller. He was amazing and super cute with the kids!

learning about the old bull that haunts the barn

me and my baby girl. Again, I hate my arms.

My very handsome hubby

Hot Mamma

look at her FLY!!

Hunter finally made it to the top too!

Can you help me daddy?

Now I can do it all myself!

Hannah loved to fly!

Best Saturday Ever!

I love being active and I am excited for next spring and summer to go bike riding and hiking and anything else this shrinking family can come up with to have fun and make memories!!!

Good to know..

So, it's early and thanks to my obnoxious baby boy and my obnoxious little dog, I am awake so here I am. Earlier this week I had the opportunity to visit with my favorite Aunt Julie who was up from Arizona! She and my sweet little Grandma Aftie came up to see us and it was fun to show them both the "new" me! We were talking about my progress and all that and Julie mentioned that I have lost a tremendous amount of weight through my face and asked me how I managed to keep my face from "falling" like most people's do after losing a significant amount of weight. Facial exercises! I can't believe I haven't mentioned it on the blog, I thought to myself.  So here goes, I think I was in college when I learned about facial exercises and I have done them on and off since then, but after surgery I was paranoid of looking 10 years older through my face like a lot of GB patients do so I started up again! I leave for work at 4:30 a.m. and have a half hour drive, so I take the opportunity of the darkness to do these exercises (since they make you look like a total spazz!) You start by opening you mouth as wide as it can go, stretching the muscles, and hold for about 5 seconds. Then, smile as big as you can with eyes as wide as you can make them and stretch the neck muscles and hold for 5 seconds. Last, make your upper face like you are frowning and your mouth in a tight "o" form and hold for 5 seconds. Repeat several times! I swear by these exercises and it totally shows on my face! I'm almost 35, and although that is not terribly "old" (unless you ask my little sister) but the longer I can keep those wrinkles away the happier I will be! These exercises are great for anyone, whether you have lost a lot of weight or just want to naturally tighten up your neck and face! Everyone try it! (just make sure nobody is watching! LOL)

Me at 400 + lbs

Me after losing 150 lbs. I don't think I look much older then my wedding picture 14 years ago! Do your facial exercises! :) 

THREE MONTHS!!!

This was a year ago! I made my mom promise to NEVER allow this picture to be shown! I look like I ate my "other" little sister! Ash is beautiful as always!

Wow, some girl ate Jenni!



Three Months post surgery!

So, I'm 3 months post surgery! I can't believe it's been that long! Sometimes I look at the above pictures and think that I still look that way and it makes me sick to my stomach. Lately it's been like head games, like I see people walking in the halls who are big and think, am I still that big and I have to get to a mirror fast to make sure I'm not. hunter (sorry, buddy had to type his name) I'm not being vain, but it does scare me to picture myself that way again. I remember the day we did those family pictures. I was so hot and sweating so bad and out of breath just from walking around the pond. My back hurt and I had a hard time sitting on the ground for my little family's turn. It was hell. After I saw the pictures I died. Did I really look like that? What kind of an example am I setting for my kids? No wonder people stare at us and whisper. Not OK! Today I'm not down to my 175 lb goal yet but I've lost at least 150 lbs since those pictures were taken (I'm sure I was well over 400 then) and that is something I can totally be proud of! My back hardly ever hurts anymore and I can walk just about any distance without getting winded! I don't get stared at anymore (although Tom thinks I do just cuz I look so "put together" all the time lol) and I am not embarrassed to walk into my daughters school at all! I don't mourn the loss of those 150+ lbs but I do have a hard time wrapping my head around it sometimes. So if you see me checking myself out in the mirror, I'm not doing it because I like looking at myself, I'm doing it to make sure I haven't woke up yet!
My diet still consists of 2 oz per meal but I have been venturing out a little on what I eat. My friend Kristi gave me an awesome recipe for cauliflower cheesy bread that is AMAZING and I continue to try to find GB friendly recipes. My new favorite snack is a quarter of a slim jim dipped in cream cheese mmmmmmm! I still eat a lot of cottage cheese, beans and turkey burger but I have tried to do variations of these for variety sake!
A week ago I joined Curves! I love it! The exercise is easy but I can totally feel it and I lost about 10 lbs the week I joined! We probably are not going to do the pool during the winter because it just gets too cold to walk to the car after class so Curves will be my main exercise. We also purchased a Wii and the Just Dance game which is AWESOME exercise and Hannah and I can do together that is totally FUN!! It was well worth the $$$.
I am thrilled with my progress thus far and I continue to appreciate all the kindness, compliments and support from my family, friends and co-workers! It doesn't get old hearing every day that I'm melting! I will never regret my decision to have the surgery, especially after seeing those pictures and remembering the way my body felt a year ago! If anyone out there is contemplating this surgery or knows someone who is, encourage them to just GO FOR IT! It is still the greatest decision I have ever made!!!!

Dear diary....

Ok I am slacking way too much on this blog deal! It's like, remember in Jr. High when you would get a new  diary and the first page would read, sept. 1, 1987 dear diary... I am totally going to write in you every day! It will be so rad to read this in the future when I'm married to kirk cameron! Yadda yadda... Next page, Sept 1, 1990 WOW! It's been like 4EVER! I cant believe I wanted to marry Kirk Cameron! What a total dweeb I was! Everyone knows Keanu is my future hubby! It's my last year of Jr. high and I have a feeling it will be the best year ever! 9th graders rule the school! Page 3,  June 26, 1997 holy crap it's been awhile!  9th grade sucked! Tomorrow I'm getting married! Not to Kirk or Keanu....

You get the idea. But I honestly do want to try to keep this updated as much as possible... for reals!
So, as far as my GB goes, all is well. Things are moving a little slower then I had anticipated, but I'm trying to look at the big picture which is 132 lbs gone! I am feeling wonderful, and loving my new body so far! Yesterday I was walking home from getting Hannah at the bus stop, but she went with her Aunt Kathy instead so I was alone and one of my dear friends came out of her house and didn't recognize me!! That is amazing to me! She gushed over me for a few minutes (which I, of course, reviled in) and we had a lovely visit. Things like that remind me that this IS working, and giving it some time is not a bad thing. I also went to water aerobics last night for the first time since surgery and it kicked my vanilla booty but it felt amazing! One thing I noticed was that doing kick down, kick outs made all the loose skin on my legs and thighs jiggle and was the weirdest feeling! I loved the workout and can't wait to go again tonight!
I'm eating about the same and its getting boring! I did get a new recipe from my awesome cousin Alicia called zucchini pizza and I love it! It's basically pizza toppings on a piece of zucchini (preferably a large one) and it's delicious! I still have cravings and right now it's peanut butter! I eat about a teaspoon a day which helps but a nice PB&J sandwich would be awesome!
Well dear diary, that is all for now. I will write again very soon! (hopefully before I'm retired!) Love, Jen.